I'M BAAAACK!

Well geez it has been quite some time since i've written a post! So many things have happened - for instance, i moved across the state, worked at the Army Depot, learned lots, had fun, got a job offer back on my regular side of the state, took it and moved home. Now that that's all caught up lets get on to the good stuff.
Every October i work the evenings at Lone Pine's haunted corn maze. I am very, ridiculously, childishly, afraid of the dark and believe it or not that little phobia really limited the positions available to me at the haunted corn maze.... which is outside... in the dark.... with scary things that jump out at you...  So i take tickets at the front gate. Last year i discovered something incredible - the dark is not as scary when you're the scary thing in the dark- i.e. when I put on a creepy mask and walk around and people scream and jump out of my way, suddenly the dark is just not intimidating to me at all.
This year i didn't have much opportunity to go into the maze and since i stand in a tent in the lights i had to take it a step further and go out and get a costume of something that a good majority of people are scared of even in broad daylight - clowns. One night this guy comes up to me and tells me that his date is very, ridiculously, childishly, afraid of clowns and asks that i please get lost for a minute so that he can convince her to go into the maze with him. I was reluctant at first but eventually gave in just to get rid of him. So they go into the maze and i go on about my business. About 10, or 15 minutes later (i had forgotten all about them at this point), i'm about 10 feet from the tent and i hear Jordan and T.J. (co-workers) yelling, Kati come quick, this girl is scared of clowns, chase her!! It happens all the time that we scare people in the parking lot as they are coming or going, so i take their directions and go slowly jogging out into the parking lot after her. Next thing i know, this girl turns and sees me over her shoulder, screams bloody murder, goes into full hysterical, fight-for-her-life-mode, and sprints full speed ahead into a fence (not a little, easy-to-miss electric fence or anything, a full on hogpanel, huge, 6' tall fence) - then after she hits the fence, apparently just comes to the realization that escape is impossible and crumbles into a little sobbing mess at the bottom of the fence begging for her life. It was a like a scene straight from Law and Order. I threw of my mask and tried to reason with her and calm her down but she was just rocking back and forth, hugging herself and sobbing loud enough that everyone else in the parking lot slowed down to watch the show.
It was AMAZING! Well at the time it was awful, i felt like poo about it. But in hind-site, hysterical. Especially funny because, as it turns out, she was on a blind date with the guy who had earlier asked me to leave so she could get in. He was standing patiently at the tent watching the whole show and when i came walking back in he asked if it would be insensitive of him to go back in and finish the maze. Also, I am absolutely not going to feel bad about scaring someone who paid to be scared, i did my job right...? right?

It all started when...

Now it rains! Today i went to go finish pumphouse painting and ofcourse ten minutes after i get set up and going, it starts pouring down rain! What the heck!? I had to get something done so i just painted in the rain for and hour and a half. God has a weird sense of humor sometimes.

Here's the story. Last night around... 10:30 pm - Jami and I got a wild hair and decided to go out on the town. We met some friends there, we (I) drank too much and got really brave - so when a middle aged wangster came in with his 15 year old girlfriend and started break dancing in the middle of the dance floor, ofcourse i had no choice but to try and make friends with them. I go sauntering over the dance floor, half sloshed, my whole table of friends watching, and before i can even get all the way across the room, his woman comes bolting out of her seat, grabs me by the wrists with her nasty crack fingernails, and hisses "hes my man, you get away, just turn and walk away". Bahahahahah. And that's when i started giggeling like a maniac right in her face. I thought i was going to pee my pants. So here we are, her angry, holding my arms and trying to stare me down - me clapping my hands like a seal and laughing hysterically, the whole table just staring at us with  their mouths open.

Moral of the story - i don't think i'd be very useful in a physical confrontation, but at least i would burn some calories laughing while i got my butt kicked.

freaking rain

Why is it that on the days where you are crossing your fingers, hoping to God it wont rain - it always does? And then on other days, like today, where you are crossing your fingers, hoping to God it will rain - it just wont?

I leave for Pendleton on Sunday - two days from now. I took a spur of the moment trip to go see Chad in Bellingham at the beginning of this week and now i'm a little behind on my house preparation and dog preparation and packing for the trip - so ofcourse things keep coming up...

I totally forgot that i had promised to help Granny paint the neighbors pumphouses - but theres no refusing her when she shows up at your door in the morning - so all day long i have spent desperately, DESPERATELY begging for it to start raining so that we would have to pack up the painting and save it for another day. I painted for 8 hours! I get back home, mow the yard, sit down on the couch to check my email and what happens? It starts pouring outside.

Garage Sales... bleck

I happened to be down at Chad's parent's house tonight having dinner when Chad called them to check in (he has been working out of town). From what i could hear of the conversation he had with his dad, it sounded like he wanted to make sure that i was still getting my normal dose of "life lessons according to Chad" even though he wasn't around to learn me stuff - so Dana (his dad) agreed to help out by teaching me a daily, valuable, life lesson. Today's lesson - (I got as soon as he hung up the phone) "don't drive the bobcat when there is a chain blocking your breaks". Fair enough, seems reasonable.

I have spent the last few days sitting in a lawn chair in a garage trying to sell junk to cheap people. There is nothing worse than garage sales - and nothing weirder than garage salers. I believe that the craziest, backwards-iest, wackos come out of the woodwork for garage sale season. I mean, literally climb out of their deep, dark holes, way way back in the woods and ride their mules to town. I've been in a state of full-blown anxiety attack for over 48 hours now.

 The good news is that i convinced my co-garage salers to close down early for the day and call it quits until next year. So we pack everything up into boxes, take down all the signs, put the boxes onto a flatbed trailer and back trailer into chad's parking structure (lights off and everything). About two hours after we are all packed up i'm sitting inside watching tv and my dogs start going crazy - so i walk outside, and sure e-freaking-nough theres a little old couple wandering around our garage opening up the boxes. What the hell!? You know the little old couple from dirty dancing who steals wallets? I think it may have been that same couple. I couldn't even get mad or give them the what-for because my mouth was just locked wide-open in disbelief. I knew there was a reason why i've always been on edge around old people - you just can't trust them. They try to use their sweet, old school, wrinkly bodies to distract you from their schemes, i'm not buying it.

Well i'm up in Bellingham visiting Chad-  i will let you know if anything worth writing about comes up!

geez louise

{I decided to use a picture of something that made me happy instead of something that actually pertained to this blog...}

Yesterday I babysat my neice/GodChild, Parker. The last time i babysat her she was fresh out of the hospital, still drinking bottles, sleeping most of the time, and staring off at ceiling fans and lights and other like-entertainment for hours on end. Now she is almost 2. I think that kids have this sensor where they can tell if adults know what they're doing or not, like a radar type of thing - or maybe they can smell fear or something... i dont' know... all I know is this girl had my number right off the bat.

Now, unless I'm at a drinking establishment, I like to maintain a composed appearance when in public. I feel that expressing emotion is like pooping or picking your nose - just expunging garbage from the body - and since I would never poop or blow my nose in public, neither would I express any negative emotion. Well tell me - how the heck am I supposed to conceal negative emotion when i'm chasing down a screaming laughing toddler in the middle of a crowded market and petting zoo? I mean this girl was climbing the animal pens and screaming bloody murder like I was trying to abduct her when i would drag her out - she was running into other people's family pictures and stealing animal food from the other kids. She collected chicken eggs and then threw them at the chickens. Tell me how the heck you run as fast as you can in 85 degree weather with nasty sweaty, slippery flip-flops on and a smile on your face?!

I was so relieved to get out of public and back to Chad's granny's house for dinner only to have my face kicked in when i tried to change her diaper - and then witness a full-blown temper tantrum under the table when I asked her to eat dinner. My God - I tell ya, i'm sorry to admit that over the last few years there have been a few times when i've thought, man, kids aren't that bad, maybe I might like to have some someday..... Well I am rethinking that! I should have stuck with my gut - i've never been good with kids - i've always liked the animals.... and aside from a few emergency room visits (via one gorgeous, schizophrenic, grey mare) animals have never steared me wrong. I think I will stick to what I know and leave the child bearing/training to you braver, crazier women.

{Don't let the adorableness fool you- this ones wild!}

Learnin' me good

Chad loves to think that he is teaching me to be more and more like him and everytime i say something that sounds like something he would say, or i use one of his phrases he says, "Kathy (he calls me Kathy because it annoys me) I'm learnin' you real good". (learnin' as in teaching, we talk dumb in Cheshire). There's really no point to why I just told you all that, just an insight.

 It never fails that when Chad leaves home everything around here starts going wrong. Does that happen to anyone else? I live a relatively easy and simple life until Chad is in a different area code and then things start crashing to pieces. Well, Chad left town to work on a big job in Washington two days ago - and here is what has happened since:

Saturday- I get a last minute invitation to go to Sisters rodeo. Get to the rodeo an hour late and it's sold out. Wander around for an hour or so until an opportunity to sneak in presents itself. Sneak into the rodeo. Friends wallet gets stolen. Friend is so upset at loss of wallet that she cannot enjoy herself and we leave the rodeo early.  Friend is so upset at loss of wallet and early departure from rodeo that she fails to pay attention to the status of her gas level before leaving sisters.

Midnight - run out of gas East of Vida. Friend does not want to call her family for fear of upsetting them. I call and wake up, and upset, my ENTIRE family after no one will answer their cell phones and i'm forced to call the house phone. Brother comes to our rescue and takes me back to my truck in Thurston.

Sunday - arrive home around 1:30 AM. Wake up at 6 to prepare for a day at the coast with Chad's family. Pack and depart. Ride for most of the day, great day, beautiful and fun. Around 3 pm we run into a friends mom and stepdad in the parking lot with their brand new RZR (a very expensive toy). They offer to let us take the rzr for spin. Chad's mom drives, i am passenger, we go for a nice and easy stroll around the dunes. Then we run into Chad's sister. She wants to take a turn driving. She and Chad's mom switch rides, i am still passenger. I make a smart ass comment - "Lets jump it! Hell, let's roll it!" 3 minutes later we roll said RZR. (Jolene claims i jinxed us...given the circumstances it's very likely). 3:30 pm, Jolene and Kati are trapped upside down in the RZR hanging by seatbelts. I find the series of events to be hilarious and start having a laughter seizure. I am still laughing when our rescuers come. Family does not find the idea of us potentially destroying a 15,000 dollar toy as funny as i did. Mood for the day is ruined.

It is now officially Monday - i am trying to be extra cautious and safe, i will keep you updated.

Got the job! Whoooo

My official start date in Pendleton is June 25! Finally, i will have a reason to leave the house during the week. I've gotten pasty and depressed over the last few months - i probably don't even remember how to communicate with people. I'll be like a coma patient who just woke up and has to relearn how to talk and eat and .... come to think of it, i think i'm thinking more of a person with a head injury, not a coma patient. Oh well, you get the jist.
So much for a blog about learning to be an adult! I'll be living in a small apt. by myself in Pendleton eating fast food everyday.
Meanwhile.... a few things have been happening here lately. Tally and i took an agility class. She started off well, i mean really well. I was blown away at how fast she took to it. Our instructor told us that out of my whole class she predicted we would be the only two who went on to the next class - and i think she jinxed us by saying that. The last two weeks of class Tally just went into full Class-Clown mode. She would line up in front of her set (obsticles) and when i would ask her to sit and wait for her cue to go - she would instead lay down, roll over, belly crawl, try to shake hands, go through all of her tricks and then turn to the audience and run to each of them individually before running back and doing the course backwards. Apparently it's not kosher to beat a puppy in a room full of animal lovers so i just had to sit and pull my hair out and watch her perform. I skipped the very last class because I knew i would get stressed out of my mind if she had another bad day... i'm immature, and i like winning... Here are a few pictures of my little clown in action:

Drama....

I have to give myself props for being able to live a completely drama free life lately - but then again I never hang out with anyone anymore, except my dog and my Chad. Is it weird that no matter how much you try to avoid the spats they always seem to come along with every sort of socializing? I guess spats isn't the right word - maybe ... disagreements? No that's not right either. I guess what i'm trying to say is the way that you can interpret what other people say. Like, that was weird that he said that... i wonder why he would say that... was he trying to tell us something... should i say something back... should i just ignore it...? Either way i'm going to act totally weird the next time i see these people just incase they were trying to insult me...  It's frustrating. Ignorance is surely bliss. How do most adults handle these things? I am clearly still in the stage between teenage girl and adult and it seems like i can either choose to go full on crazy negative reaction or just completely ignore.... how do you find that middle ground? How do those people come about that seem to be so well liked and friendly and yet still get in their fair share of confrontation whenever the opportunity presents itself? I guess what i'm wondering is how do i become more of a politician - are there classes or something or is this just something i can expect to make sense in ten or twenty years from now?

Hermiston...!

I failed to mention that i have now been unemployed for exactly two months. The first week was fun, catching up on stuff around the house. The second week was nice, playing susie homemaker. The rest of it has been hell. Actual bored stiff hell. So i've expanded my job search to the entire state. Last week I had an interview with a construction company in Hermiston. Jolene happened to have a babysitter (husband) for the day of the interview, and the day after, so we got a hotel in Pendleton and made a night of it.
Here's how it all started - aka - the story of the night that Kati/Jolene were the life of Pendleton:

Well it was a Thursday night, (apparently Pendleton doesn't do thirsty Thursday?) we got a shuttle from our hotel to downtown, had a nice dinner and commenced bar hopping. The first bar was dead... i mean dead. Me, Jolene and the bartender (Josie - nice guy). We couldn't very well walk in and then just walk out, so we sat down for a quick drink... before long - this couple came sauntering in -

 They started playing pool and seemed like they were fun and maybe a little drunk - so next thing i knew Jolene was composing this:

Not the best picture, but the napkin says "we challenge you to a game of beer pong - signed, the ladies at the bar". The bartended deliver our note, the couple agreed, we taught them how to play - the bartender set the stage -

(Right after i took this picture he turned the lights off, turned on two spotlights, and started "eye of the tiger" on the jukebox) and so began the best night ever (in Pendleton, on a thursday).
Turns out people from the street could hear us hooping and hollaring and before long we had teams lined up to join the competition. When we got bored and left to go to another bar the crowd followed and as word spread that we were playing at this new bar folks just started showing up left and right (clearly these people are starved for entertainment?). It was a blast. Just wanted to document since i think my drinking buddy and i are maxed out on fun nights for the year and this will probably be our last for quite some time. Great night... i don't feel very confident about the interview, but dang... great night.

Another fun Memorial Day Weekend!

Chad's family takes an anual camping trip to the Coos Bay area every memorial day weekend - here are some pictures from the last trip.

{Little sissy wouldn't come out of the trailer all weekend}

{Jolene wheelyin'}

{Chad and his neice}

{Chad's mom absent mindedly jumped on the back of a bike with Chad - we could hear her screaming all the way from the parking lot}

The 'Garden'?

Here's what i'm good at - grass and gravel. SOO easy to maintain and keep alive (well the grass atleast). Last year i tried my hand at some flowers and some veggies and after a series of unfortunate events - i have YET to keep something alive. In 2011 I planted a couple of vines, some azaleas, a few rhodies and a variety of veggies. I was doing decent, not flourishing but atleast maintaining, until we housed 5 puppies. By the time the puppies found new homes there wasn't a single ground level plant still living. The vegetable garden was luckily out of their reach but unfortunately didn't survive me leaving town for a week in August. So here i am again, starting fresh - and look at my situation:

{Hydrangea No. 1 - Pretty Sad}

{Hydrangea No. 2 - Very Sad}

{Hydrangea No. 3 - Happy!}

What the heck?! All planted the same way, at the same time, within 5 feet of eachother. How did i manage this? I will have to do some hydrangea research and get back to you.  Here is my other plant for the year - i'm thinking 4 is my limit, if i can keep them alive i will try more next year.





The Filler

First, a little about myself. This blog is in no-way intended to be a cheap stab at my mother. She is a great 'woman'. She raised 4 kids, is a super neat freak and had dinner on the table every night - but for whatever reason, I was always more interested in being a dirty, outdoorsy, ruffian, hooligan and she never forced me otherwise. The recent turn of events that has caused me to change my ways is the fact that all the women in my boyfriends family are super-freaks of nature. We are talking great jobs, impecable houses, manicured lawns, and well-mannered children type of women who can pull 5-course meals out of their asses. Im afraid that if i don't change my ways these women might recognize that I am dating way out of my league and encourage Chad (boyfriend/golden child) to raise his standards.

{Here we are at the mall last Christmas}

This picture brings me to my next point. We have two dogs. Chad's dog, Peter, is a Border Collie/Coyote cross - aka - long haired mess. My dog, Riley, is a vicious blue heeler. After she bit the neighbor (Chad's sister) i had no choice but to take her to a less populated area (my parents house) to live until further notice. When she was knocked up by my brother's visiting friend's Border Collie, Chad and I mutually decided to keep one of the friendlier puppy versions of Riley, Tally (aka long haired mess No. 2).

{The reasons why i slave constantly to keep a clean house}

Well, more to come - but it's  beautiful day... i should probably be washing windows or something.



The beginning...

Well this is just your standard documented journey of a girl, raised as a boy, finally taking the steps to becoming a woman at the ripe age of 26. For whatever reason, I have been able to put off the transformation for so long that now I have no choice but to force myself to learn it all at once:  Cleaning, cooking, baking, sewing, crafting, photography, kids, and general homemaking. I have to admit that i have some natural ability in the cleaning department but, until recently, limited to no experience in the other categories. I would like this blog to be a documented journey that might be useful to my daughters someday (although i plan on having only sons.) Hope that it is helpful to you readers (if any of you come along) and, ideally, maybe you all can also be of some help to me! To be continued...

Here i am.... obviously eager to get the learning started.